Feeling overwhelmed by grief and sadness from a high conflict divorce or separation?
Give yourself some grace. Set a clock. Allow yourself to grieve for up to 2 hours per day. Then put the worries and pain and rage away in a drawer, get up off the couch, and LIVE YOUR LIFE.
Go out for a walk in the fresh air and sunshine, call a friend, eat a healthy meal. This is NOT a sprint, it’s a marathon.
Where can I find strength?
Prayer, meditation, going for a walk or run, painting, journaling can all bring some healing. They calm your breathing and release endorphins. Anxiousness and calm cannot exist in the same space. The more we make a conscious effort to create calm, the less anxiety can dwell within us.
Nothing is more heart-breaking than the deafening silence of your child or the icy, hateful responses. How can a parent survive this pain?
Our kids are hurting too when they feel caught in their parents’ conflict.
LOVE is the only thing that can dissolve hate. First and foremost, love yourself. Our kids need our love, and patience, and compassion, and strength to keep on going – now more than ever. There are better days ahead.
When you do finally get the chance to reconnect, maybe over dinner at a restaurant, how do you overcome that initial awkwardness?
Calm, grace, infinite patience, and lots of love in your heart. Seek first to understand where they are at emotionally, LISTEN without trying to fix or correct anything, no advice, no criticism, simply holding a safe space for them to reconnect at their own pace.
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Dealing with a bigger issue like a move, a job change, deciding on a care provider for your child, or finding help for a child struggling in school? These are decisions we can discuss in MEDIATION - a safe space for you and your child’s other parent to dialogue about your child’s future.
EHTC ARTICLES
Influencing Co-Parenting Behaviors - Feb 2024
Biochemical Basis of the Stress Response - 4 A’s and 4 C’s
Podcast - Co-parenting with less stress and more peace
Ways congregations can support divorced families
PAST PRESENTATIONS
Minnesota Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (MAMFT) Annual Conference
Co-Parenting After Divorce – Recognizing Signs of Escalating Conflict and Strategies to Course Correct
Presenter(s): Kalli Matsuhashi, MA, LP, LMFT; Adina Lebowitz, MA
Therapists, mediators, parenting consultants, and other professionals working with separating or divorcing families often work with parents well before a child’s preference for one parent develops into a refusal to transition to the other parent’s home. This presentation will provide ways to promote successful co-parenting by helping recognize the factors that contribute to high conflict patterns of interaction. We will discuss principles of parent-child contact problems and provide strategies to course correct so that both parents can continue to have parenting time with their children.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) offers you ways to find peace and live life compassionately:
Reduce conflict when you more fully understand needs and intentions
Stay curious about what motivates people instead of judging right or wrong
Create space for choices that can enrich life from a place of acceptance and appreciation